No body told us

A couple days ago my friend asked me and Ashton to sit down and answer a few questions about marriage and how we prepared for it for one of her classes. This was the very last question asked and it made me think.  

What one piece of advice would you give to engaged couples/young adults who are preparing for marriage? 

So, what would I tell a couple getting ready to get married...after a couple moments of pondering this is what we came up with..

     Compromise is key! Marriage is hard. Especially the first couple of months. And especially if you haven't lived with one another yet. You are learning how to share the space, you are learning that your husband doesn't like the way you squeeze the toothpaste, and that your wife doesn't like the way you talk in your sleep (it's creepy sometimes). You're learning how to start your own life together and your own traditions while at the same time remaining true to the traditions in one another's family. Decisions are no longer only up to you. You want to make a big purchase (more than like, $20) then you have to consult with one another. Marriage is amazing and I wouldn't change a single thing, but that doesn't mean that sometimes it's a challenge. And it doesn't make you a bad person for thinking it's hard sometimes. So learning how to BOTH compromise is so important. But also learning to just love them. Recognize the small things that are done. (Like the fact my husband just walked out of the room and I can hear him washing dishes. points for him!)

We got all the generic marriage advice like "never go to bed angry", "always kiss goodnight", "never stop dating", etc but no one told us about the real things we would encounter. 

No one told us that I would have trouble letting go of some of the things I used to be in control of. No one told me that it would be extremely hard for me, a pretty independent person, to realize that I am now dependent on someone else. No one told us that that would result in some pretty good arguments. No one told us that the hardest decisions were yet to come. No one told us that at times we would wonder what the hell we did. No one told me that I would be even more homesick after getting married. No one told us that merging our lives and priorities would be difficult. 

But no one also told us that it would be the best first couple of months ever. No one told us that we would love each other more and more every single day. No one told us that we would witness first hand what unconditional love is. No one told us that we would laugh until it hurt. No one told us that we would start planning our future family and how much of a joy that would bring for us to look forward to. No one told us how amazing it felt to roll over and have someone right next to you at night. No one told us how amazing it would be to walk in the door to our home. 

Marriage is a trial and error kind of thing. I know we've only been married for (almost) three months but I have learned so much already. And I owe it all to the man that I can't wait to spend forever with. He is the reason I wake up smiling (and sometimes freezing cause he's a stealer of the covers). I literally thank God every single day for sending me someone like him. I married way above my league. 

So here's my advice to those looking for their significant other...he/she is out there. Don't give up or settle. If I would have given up or settled who knows where I would be. I would have missed out on a pretty dagum amazing guy. The right person is out there for you. Love yourself first and make yourself happy. If you can't make yourself happy, then no body can. 

White privilege

White Privilege...does it exist?

     This semester in many of my classes we have been talking about culture. About what it is, how it affects lives, how to accept it in others, how to embrace it, and how to help others with a different culture than our own. We have talked a lot about racism, discrimination, oppression, prejudice, etc. This has always been an area of huge interest and passion of mine. But it wasn't until this semester that I started viewing things differently. That I started to realize what I really could do to help make a change and the things that I was not recognizing that I needed to change. 

    There is thing called "white privilege", who knew that was even a thing? Not me until about 6 weeks ago. The fact that I didn't know about it is evidence that it does exist. What is white privilege? 

1. White privilege (or white skin privilege) is a term for societal privileges that benefit white people beyond what is commonly experienced by non-white people in the same social, political, or economic circumstances.

Seem reasonable? Of course! We read a story in my Interviewing Skills class about a gentlemen that was black who went out to lunch or dinner with a friend, who was white. During the whole lunch/dinner the waitress was directing everything towards the white gentleman. Asked what he would like first, gave him his food first, never even spoke more than she had to to the black man, and even gave the check to the white man; assuming that it was the white man's treat. When in fact the black man was the one treating his white friend to dinner! Maybe when you first read this you think "He's just over-reacting or reading into it too much." But maybe he isn't? Regardless if the treatment he got was intentional or not, it still happens. And it happens often. 

What can white Americans do to change this? 

I want you to watch this video..
http://youtu.be/GTvU7uUgjUI

What she says at the end of this video is KEY to understanding what white Americans CAN do! All you have to do is recognize this privilege you have and use it. Influence those around you to do good as well. Influence them to stand up and not be afraid to do so. 

What did I learn from all this?
That I can make a difference. That I have to stop blaming other reasons and just do it. I will never understand what it is like to feel like the minority just because of my ethnicity alone. Believe it or not I've never even considered myself to have a race. I'm just white. But that's a race, isn't it? Being blind to that and being blind to the privilege I have just because of the color of my skin is evidence that it does exist. I have never been denied a privilege, I have never been followed in a store, I have never been thought of as a threat. This isn't just about ending African American racism but racism with every ethnicity. It cannot change until we as individuals change. 

It is going to take effort from all races to change. Not just one. 

I hope that you can dig a little deeper and help those around you. It really is about people helping people. 

Isn't that what we are here for? 

Let's make that happen. 

Here are some resources if you would like to read what I have been reading this semester: 

http://www.deanza.edu/faculty/lewisjulie/White%20Priviledge%20Unpacking%20the%20Invisible%20Knapsack.pdf

file:///C:/Users/10681048/Downloads/what_does_it_mean_to_be_white%20(1).pdf

file:///C:/Users/10681048/Downloads/I%20CAN%20FIX%20IT_racism%20-%20Damali%20Ayo%20(1).pdf

What everyone has to learn for themselves

     A year ago tomorrow my tires in my little Toyota Corolla crossed the Utah state border. I finally arrived where I was going to spend the next year at least. It honestly feels like yesterday. I can still remember passing the "Welcome to Utah" sign and thinking "Holy crap. Am I really doing this?". Little did I know it would be one of the hardest and best years of my life.

    I have learned so much. I have learned struggle. I have learned success. I've learned sadness. I've learned happiness. I've learned my weaknesses. I've learned my strengths. I've learned how thankful I am for my family. I've learned that no matter what they are my rock. I've learned how thankful I am for my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I've learned what it feels like to feel completely alone. But I've learned even in my weakest and hardest moments that He is there. I've learned I am not perfect and I never will be. And I've learned that that's okay. I didn't think it would be as hard as it has been. There have been days where I want nothing more than a huge hug from all 18 members of my family. Being 2,200 miles away from them has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I've learned my siblings are my best friends. I've learned my parents are my biggest fans. I learned how to live and drive in the snow..scariest stuff for a FL girl. 

     Moving here alone was by far the scariest thing I've ever done. I have made some friendships that I don't know what I would do without. I have an amazing job that has given me so many wonderful opportunities. I am now attending a University that I thoroughly enjoy. 

   Everyday presents a new struggle. Some days I just wanna run back to Florida. Other days I never want to leave Utah. I know that right now this is where I'm supposed to be. There is more for me to learn. More growth to be made. I can't wait for the day when I have my degree in my hand and my bags are packed headed back East. But these are days I will never forget. I am being molded into the person I am meant to become. Every decision I make influences some piece of my life, good or bad. I never thought I would live in Provo, Utah. But I'm happy I do. Here's to one more year in Utah. 

    

Here we go people..vulnerability at it's finest.

    First off, what is vulnerability? There are three definitions that I found fitting. The first one says, open to moral attack, critism, temptation, etc. The second, capable of being physically or emotionally wounded. And the third was geared towards a military point of view but it said, liable or exposed to attack, which can be taken in an emotional sense also. None of those sounds like things I want to take part in. Who wants to be criticized, attacked, or wounded emotionally?
    Vulnerability is telling someone you love them knowing you may get nothing in return. It's saying you are upset or hurt. Vulnerability is sharing with someone your music, art work, writing, whatever it may be knowing there is a chance someone might think it's terrible. It's confiding in a friend with a secret that not a single person knows and trusting they won't run for the door or think less of you. It's allowing your heart to be open to the possibility of getting shattered in a million pieces. Vulnerability is being who you are and being okay with it.
     Vulnerability sucks. It hurts like hell sometimes. But sometimes you accomplish things or open up to things/people that you never thought you could. Being vulnerable allows you to develop relationships with people that you'll wonder how you ever went day to day without them. It's admitting the very thing I just said. That you need people in your life. Vulnerability is getting your butt to the gym even though you are embarrassed to work out with some of those people because you don't feel up to par. It's when your friend asks you to make a simple funny face or funny noise but just can't freakin do it because you don't want to look stupid.
    Vulnerability is a blessing and curse. It's what drives us away, yet brings us home. I've learned that you do vulnerable things every single day. I'm doing one right now. Writing this and telling everyone what being vulnerable is to me. People might read this and say, "That doesn't make any sense. That's not what vulnerability is." Or they might criticize my grammer. I'm almost positive I have commas where they aren't neccessary or no commas where they are neccessary. I'm sure I probably spelt some stuff wrong too.
      But I've learned lately that without practicing vulnerability you could be hindering the things you can learn about yourself, about others, and what others can learn about you. It's a freaking scary thing to let someone in and get to know the "real you". But that would be a lonely world. (As a friend pointed out to me recently) And let's be honest, who really wants to be alone? I said just today that I'm done putting myself out there. Do I mean that? Most definitely. But will I actually do that? Nope. We are wired for connection. We crave it and as much as I want to just close off every feeling of vulnerability so that I never get hurt again, I can't.
    I'm thankful for friends that push me to break that wall and that barrier that I put up because of fear of being attacked or wounded or embarrassed. It's scary to think that by acting a certain way someone you care about could turn around and walk away. But that's how you strengthen relationships. And even though it can be really uncomfortable to open up and look like a retard and it may take weeks, or days, or years, or just a few hours you'll feel a little lighter afterwards. No one ever perfects vulnerability. I know I never will.

"Give me the courage to show up and let myself be seen."
-Daring Greatly by Brene Brown
(Read this book, watch her Ted Talk. You'll be forever enlightened.)
http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=brene+brown+ted+talk+youtube&mid=D183BD0575EFF39CCA71D183BD0575EFF39CCA71&view=detail&FORM=VIRE1

Amongst the chaos

        Do you ever feel like you're going no where fast? That's been the story of my life lately. Sometimes I think we just over think things and contemplate where we are going and what we are doing with our life too much. We're all guilty of it. As a semester draws to a near end I think about what classes to take next, if I'm choosing the right career, if I'm choosing the right school, if I want to stay where I'm at for the next couple years, etc.

 Anyone that knows me knows that I don't like to stay in one place for too long. That causes a real problem for me when trying to decide where I'm going to stay put for school. I like change and embrace it. I hate to live a predictable life. I'm not sure why I am this way, but I am. I still don't feel 110% certain of what is going to happen but I know what I am aiming for.

 

 

I went home for a visit 2 weeks ago and it couldn't have been more perfect. I got to spend time with everyone that I love, although I wish it could have been longer. I have definitely learned the importance of family and true friends. I am glad that I have a strong relationship with my family and that we can communicate and keep in touch so easily. I am thankful for the friends that I have that I know will be by my side no matter what. You know you have a true friend when you haven't seen each other in 8 months and it's as if you were never apart.

 But I have also learned the importance of meeting new people. I believe that people are put in your path for a reason. I try to take something away from every friendship/relationship that I develop. I have been lucky to meet and make friends out here in Utah that I know I will have forever. As cheesey as that sounds, I know it's true. I know that there is something to be learned in every situation. Even if it's not a situation where you would normally think there is something to learn. I'm sure there is at least one thing you can take away from it. I was lucky enough to find people that laugh at my stupid jokes and brush off my plethora of blonde moments. People that although I haven't known very long, seem to know me pretty well.

 I have learned that life is what you make it. I'm sure I could've moved anywhere and been just as happy as I am here in Provo. But I'm not somewhere else, I'm right here. And I'm going to make it worth it. You can't control every little thing that happens in your life and that is something that was hard for me to finally grasp. Only worry about the things you can control. Not what you cannot.

I've learned that you should live your life for yourself, not anyone else. Do what makes you happy and do it well. Don't worry what others think. There will always be someone that can find something negative with a situation. Learn from their attitude, learn not to have that attitude. Be the person that people want to be around. Be the person that you love. Don't be the person that cares what others think. Be the person that walks outside with a smile on their face. Be the person that people remember. If that is in a good way or bad way is up to you. But I suggest a good way. Be the person that makes people want to be better because they know you. But most of all, be the person that makes YOU happy.

 Set goals, reach dreams, do things on your bucket list. Embrace change and new situations. It's amazing the things you can learn by just opening your eyes to the things and people around you. Open your heart and take chances. Don't be afraid to take a leap of faith. I did. And if I can do it, anyone can.

Change is good..right?

     A month ago I made one of the biggest decisions of my life. I moved 2,200 miles away from everything I knew. From my family, friends that I've had since grade school, and all familiar streets and back roads. Everything. I left an amazing job that I had been at for 2 years. But as time has passed I can see that this is exactly where I need to be. It doesn't make me miss my family, friends and "home" any less but it definetly makes this process some what easier.

      As cheesey as it sounds I had been praying for good roommates since I decided to move. And I know without a doubt that God heard those prayers. I have 3 of the best roommates ever. They are amazing girls and so much fun! We even took "roomie" pictures on Sunday. Who does that? Um, us!

             Camille, myself, Deb, and Ananda. Aren't we the cutest?!

 I now have a job. The benefits may not be as good as my last job but I feel good about the decision I made in taking it. I feel like there is alot of room to grow with the company and I'm excited to see where it takes me. And yes, it's at bank. Well, Credit Union rather.

                                                                   haha, at walmart.

      I was really nervous about moving to Utah. Simply because there are Mormons, everywhere! There is honestly no escaping it. Pretty sure all of my coworkers are LDS and all of my roommates are also. It is a crazy change of pace but it is a nice change of pace. I love walking outside and seeing mountains and the fact that there is no humidity, haha.

                                          This is my view walking out of the mall..beautiful!



                  I am grateful for this opportunity I have to experience something new and different.   

                                                    

Baby steps

               Desire: to wish or long for.

 I have tons of desires. I desire to be rich. I desire to be a famous singer. I desire to be supermodel skinny, to finish school, to be a mom, to eat more healthy, to travel the world, to be a wife, to be a giving person, and the list goes on and on. Doesn't everything start with a desire? When you're a baby you have a desire to walk; so what came next? You got off your baby diaper butt and tried it. It took practice and it took time. It took people helping you along the way. Sometimes you fell and got hurt, but you had that desire to do it and you didn't give up. 


That is just like any other desire we have in life. First we realize that we want something and we see what we can do to achieve it. It could be something as small as a new pair of shoes or something as big as changing the way your life is headed. But at the end of the day every desire has the same process. Realize what the desire is, determine what it will take to get there, enlist some help (friends, family, etc.) and work hard to do it. It is okay if you get set back every once in awhile, that is part of life. But get back up and do what you know you need to do.


You can't go your whole life saying.. "Well, I had the desire. I just couldn't ever do it." Trust me, I get it. It is hard work to give something up in order to get something better. But you can do it. Just don't lose sight of the ultimate goal. This whole desire topic is something I have been struggling with lately. I've just been telling myself "Well, I have the desire, and that's gonna be enough to get me there." Uh, wrong! 


I wasn't seeing any difference in my life once I determined this desire. I figured things would just start happening for me. But they didn't. Then I was talking with a friend and she said exactly what I needed to hear, all in one sentence. She said..."It's more than having a desire to change." And then it all clicked! She didn't have to say anything more. I knew what more it took. You have to put some action forth and not just sit passively hoping that you've got enough desire to get you there. It's been tough. Changing things about your life isn't easy. But think of all the desire's you have had in your past, and then think of how good it felt to finally reach them.


Put one foot in front of the other and take it one day at a time.

This was one of my many desires; to be a Cosmetologist. And I did it!