A couple days ago my friend asked me and Ashton to sit down and answer a few questions about marriage and how we prepared for it for one of her classes. This was the very last question asked and it made me think.
What one piece of advice would you give to engaged couples/young adults who are preparing for marriage?
So, what would I tell a couple getting ready to get married...after a couple moments of pondering this is what we came up with..
Compromise is key! Marriage is hard. Especially the first couple of months. And especially if you haven't lived with one another yet. You are learning how to share the space, you are learning that your husband doesn't like the way you squeeze the toothpaste, and that your wife doesn't like the way you talk in your sleep (it's creepy sometimes). You're learning how to start your own life together and your own traditions while at the same time remaining true to the traditions in one another's family. Decisions are no longer only up to you. You want to make a big purchase (more than like, $20) then you have to consult with one another. Marriage is amazing and I wouldn't change a single thing, but that doesn't mean that sometimes it's a challenge. And it doesn't make you a bad person for thinking it's hard sometimes. So learning how to BOTH compromise is so important. But also learning to just love them. Recognize the small things that are done. (Like the fact my husband just walked out of the room and I can hear him washing dishes. points for him!)
We got all the generic marriage advice like "never go to bed angry", "always kiss goodnight", "never stop dating", etc but no one told us about the real things we would encounter.
No one told us that I would have trouble letting go of some of the things I used to be in control of. No one told me that it would be extremely hard for me, a pretty independent person, to realize that I am now dependent on someone else. No one told us that that would result in some pretty good arguments. No one told us that the hardest decisions were yet to come. No one told us that at times we would wonder what the hell we did. No one told me that I would be even more homesick after getting married. No one told us that merging our lives and priorities would be difficult.
But no one also told us that it would be the best first couple of months ever. No one told us that we would love each other more and more every single day. No one told us that we would witness first hand what unconditional love is. No one told us that we would laugh until it hurt. No one told us that we would start planning our future family and how much of a joy that would bring for us to look forward to. No one told us how amazing it felt to roll over and have someone right next to you at night. No one told us how amazing it would be to walk in the door to our home.
Marriage is a trial and error kind of thing. I know we've only been married for (almost) three months but I have learned so much already. And I owe it all to the man that I can't wait to spend forever with. He is the reason I wake up smiling (and sometimes freezing cause he's a stealer of the covers). I literally thank God every single day for sending me someone like him. I married way above my league.
So here's my advice to those looking for their significant other...he/she is out there. Don't give up or settle. If I would have given up or settled who knows where I would be. I would have missed out on a pretty dagum amazing guy. The right person is out there for you. Love yourself first and make yourself happy. If you can't make yourself happy, then no body can.
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