First off, what is vulnerability? There are three definitions that I found fitting. The first one says, open to moral attack, critism, temptation, etc. The second, capable of being physically or emotionally wounded. And the third was geared towards a military point of view but it said, liable or exposed to attack, which can be taken in an emotional sense also. None of those sounds like things I want to take part in. Who wants to be criticized, attacked, or wounded emotionally?
Vulnerability is telling someone you love them knowing you may get nothing in return. It's saying you are upset or hurt. Vulnerability is sharing with someone your music, art work, writing, whatever it may be knowing there is a chance someone might think it's terrible. It's confiding in a friend with a secret that not a single person knows and trusting they won't run for the door or think less of you. It's allowing your heart to be open to the possibility of getting shattered in a million pieces. Vulnerability is being who you are and being okay with it.
Vulnerability sucks. It hurts like hell sometimes. But sometimes you accomplish things or open up to things/people that you never thought you could. Being vulnerable allows you to develop relationships with people that you'll wonder how you ever went day to day without them. It's admitting the very thing I just said. That you need people in your life. Vulnerability is getting your butt to the gym even though you are embarrassed to work out with some of those people because you don't feel up to par. It's when your friend asks you to make a simple funny face or funny noise but just can't freakin do it because you don't want to look stupid.
Vulnerability is a blessing and curse. It's what drives us away, yet brings us home. I've learned that you do vulnerable things every single day. I'm doing one right now. Writing this and telling everyone what being vulnerable is to me. People might read this and say, "That doesn't make any sense. That's not what vulnerability is." Or they might criticize my grammer. I'm almost positive I have commas where they aren't neccessary or no commas where they are neccessary. I'm sure I probably spelt some stuff wrong too.
But I've learned lately that without practicing vulnerability you could be hindering the things you can learn about yourself, about others, and what others can learn about you. It's a freaking scary thing to let someone in and get to know the "real you". But that would be a lonely world. (As a friend pointed out to me recently) And let's be honest, who really wants to be alone? I said just today that I'm done putting myself out there. Do I mean that? Most definitely. But will I actually do that? Nope. We are wired for connection. We crave it and as much as I want to just close off every feeling of vulnerability so that I never get hurt again, I can't.
I'm thankful for friends that push me to break that wall and that barrier that I put up because of fear of being attacked or wounded or embarrassed. It's scary to think that by acting a certain way someone you care about could turn around and walk away. But that's how you strengthen relationships. And even though it can be really uncomfortable to open up and look like a retard and it may take weeks, or days, or years, or just a few hours you'll feel a little lighter afterwards. No one ever perfects vulnerability. I know I never will.
"Give me the courage to show up and let myself be seen."
-Daring Greatly by Brene Brown
(Read this book, watch her Ted Talk. You'll be forever enlightened.)
http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=brene+brown+ted+talk+youtube&mid=D183BD0575EFF39CCA71D183BD0575EFF39CCA71&view=detail&FORM=VIRE1
